Thursday 29 December 2011

Bus stop bullshit

I was standing at the bottom of the Prodains lift, waiting for the bus back into Morzine after a morning of riding over to Avoriaz, eating far too much at Changabangs and deciding to head home for a pre dinner service snooze. Standing in the bus queue with me were the usual assortment of people you would expect to find in a ski resort, tourists, natives (for want of a better word, I'm not being judgemental about the French or anything) and seasonnaires. The seasonnaires can be split into subspecies, some of which would be those that work and those that bum around. I imagine that the species of seasonnaire standing in front of me in the queue was of the bum variety and I make this assumption based on the bull doo-doo he was spouting. It was the kind of stuff that makes me cringe when I hear it, the kind of 'break free from the chains of society' nonsense that some people use to justify their chosen way of life. "Yeah, I didn't want to be a part of the system you know, I didn't want to be fed into the suburban slave classes who are like, totally enslaved you know, like, incarceration by aspiration, you know what I mean...", this and more priceless pearls of wisdom were being bestowed on a pretty girl he was talking to. I don't know how she felt about it or him, but I was thinking "Geez, this guy is full of shit!". If you don't want to conform to the 9-5, get a job, get married, suburban, raise a family lifestyle then fair enough. There are many people that don't want to conform to that, but don't feel the need to talk bullshit to justify their life choices. Different strokes for different folks. Sorry, rant over, it just annoys me when people think they're so damn unique for breaking free and so on, like they're the first person to ever have done so, or think they're the first generation to ever have done so. I'm all for travelling, expanding horizons, not settling for a hum drum existence but you don't have to be a cock about it. Bla, bla, bla, I'll get off my soap box now but I bet in the summer he goes to Thailand to "find himself".

Time, it seems to be literally vanishing! The first guests came and went and so did Christmas. I did get a lovely beanie hat, fleece lined with a giant bobble on it from them, for a Christmas gift, very sweet!! We have our second lot of guests now and it takes a moment for your brain to adjust to new people in the chalet. It's going to be a weird thing for the next 18 weeks, to have a totally new set of people every week. I didn't imagine it would be this odd, but just as you get used to one lot they disappear and others appear. They appear far too quickly too! I'm talking of course of the nightmare that is transfer day. Get them up, fed and watered, make sure their bags are packed, walk them to the bus for 9AM. Hugs and kisses and heartfelt goodbyes and waving until the bus is out of sight then frantic cleaning/cooking/tidying/organising/bed making/jacuzzi draining etc.etc.etc. This goes on until 2PM when the dreaded phone call comes "the bus is in Taninge, time to come to the office". This is when you look at yourself in the mirror and think you've seen better looking piles of dog sick but you have no time to do anything about it, slap on your clean uniform and race to the bus to greet the new lot, with a HUGE smile on your face which hides the utter panic that is occurring inside because you've just remembered that really important thing you forgot to do before leaving the chalet. Get them to the chalet in one piece, stop them wandering off into town (like herding cats at times) then the week starts again as they sit down to a big pile of freshly baked brownies and listen to your welcome speech. Repeat 18 more times and the season is over. Time, it's being robbed from me, I swear.

New Years Eve tomorrow. Time for reflection, thinking about the year past and the year to come, family and friends present and absent, new friends and old friends... when to book that ticket to Thailand to find myself.... Ha! See what I did there? Anyway, it is New Years Eve and no doubt I shall be reflecting, what a crazy time I've had lately. A relationship over, the end of an era with Blanca dog, moving home, moving life, moving boxes and yet more moving, a new qualification, a new direction, a new country, a new snowboard. 2011, I had big hopes for you as a year and you've certainly been an eventful year!! That much is definitely true. So where will you be when the clock strikes and 2012 is ushered in? Who will you be with? What hopes will you have for the new year? I will most likely be at a seasonnaire house party, in the staff accommodation affectionately known as Basra. A dear old friend of mine is coming to Morzine, we've been friends since we were 10-11, so I'll have the old and the new, which is great! We'll be eating left overs from all the chalet dinners we'll have cooked and be supping on opened wines our guests didn't drink throughout the week, we'll be super stoked to be in the marvellous mountains and we'll be thoroughly hammered by the time the clock strikes midnight. My only hope for the year (apart from peace on Earth, which I wish for all the time but it never seems to happen) is that it keeps snowing and that I get to ride some awesome powder, other than that, I'll leave 2012 to do what it will with me, no big list of resolutions, let's just see what happens. If I don't get to say it to you personally at the moment the new year comes in, have a fantastic New Years and may 2012 be good to you and yours!

Wednesday 21 December 2011

Your hair smells of... shampoo.

The first guests have arrived and I could not have asked for a nicer bunch. They are a lovely family and are making my job nice and easy by being so laid back and relaxed. Still worried about Christmas day though, just because there's such high expectations put on the day, I'm not just talking about guests, it's anyone really. We all tend to build it up and then are usually ultimately disappointed that it wasn't that perfect image we had in our heads. That makes me sound like I don't like Christmas which isn't the case at all and anyone that knows me well will tell you that I LOVE Christmas! Anyway, Christmas is soon, the chalet is looking cosy, the snow is falling like crazy, the guests are nice and every so often I can hear a little person ask a big person "how many sleeps is it till Christmas?". Aaaaww, how sweet.

It's not all super easy though, it's bloody hard work chalet hosting. I knew it wasn't going to be easy but I don't think I was prepared for how exhausted you get after service. It just drains you and the thing is, when you're exhausted and thinking you could sleep for an age, the realisation comes that this is your life for the next five months. Then you get a text from someone in another chalet making mountain/beer plans for later and suddenly you remember how amazingly awesome it is that this is your life for the next five months. Happiness occurs.

This blog, informative (and hopefully at times amusing), is meant as a diary for me to remember lots of bits about my season in the Alps, that I might otherwise forget. Either through a Mutzig fuelled memory loss episode or just through the passing of time. So this part might be a bit random, but there's things I need to just note down.
Your hair smells of ... shampoo.
Dutty. "I'm STUCK!!!!" (from inside a duvet cover).
Alright there pal (said in a Scottish accent).
Allan and Lynn.
Basra and Berger-al-Arab.
Dirty Du Bois.
We can just hug it out.
Pineapple yoghurt swirls in the tomato and lentil soup.
Forgetting part of the main course and bringing it out halfway through dinner and having the balls to announce it as "and now for the best bit of your main meal".
Scaring people in boiler rooms.
Beer on the window sill.
Drinking wine out of coffee mugs.
Look at the elbow and the high five will follow.
Need any washing doing? (at 2:30AM)
D-12-Sprint
I'm sure that's not terribly amusing to those who have no idea what I'm chatting about, sorry.

Day off tomorrow. WOW!! Finally I'm heading out on the mountain. It's been snowing like mental and despite everyone else having been out, I've been good, looked after myself (I have a cold, don't want it to settle on my chest and then be out of action for weeks). So tomorrow is the day, there's meant to be blue skies and sunshine and I will finally get to ride my new set up. Yikes. How exciting!!!!!!

Off to cook for the little ones now, then the big ones, then beer and then riding some fluffy powder in the morning. Five months you say? Hmmm. Don't know if that's going to be enough?

Saturday 17 December 2011

Tears, tartiflette and Tibetan bar

Today was the day, the day the tears came. First cry of the season and we're 17 days in. It's been emotional. So, so, so tired and there seems to be so much to do before Monday. It feels like we've been deep cleaning forever! Someone asked if my fridge had been switched off this morning, unbeknownst to me someone had overloaded the circuit and tripped it and it had turned itself off, but literally only for a couple of minutes. Before we ascertained this, I ended up in floods of tears and getting whisked off by my resort co-ordinator and manager for hugs and reassurance. Thing is, everyone else has their chalets sorted but mine is a tip and that's because it's the one we're using as a base, to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner at and hang out in. So, I'm kinda having kittens at the thought of getting this place ready for guests at midday on Monday.

Drama and emotional trauma aside I am happy to be here. It's been snowing so heavily and I know that when I FINALLY get out boarding it's going to be awesome. We were meant to go today but because some people haven't pulled their weight and there seems to be so much to fit in before Monday, our afternoon on the slopes was cancelled. Poo. All is not lost though. We had tartiflette for dinner, cooked by yours truly and by all accounts everyone liked it. Then our manager told us there was a vicious rumour circulating Morzine that there are free seasonnaire drinks at the Tibetan bar. So despite being tired as hell, and old enough to know better than to go out, I'm going to go out. It'll be the last Saturday night for a LONG time that I'll be able to go out without the worry of transfer day happening on Sunday. I've put my glad rags on and put make up on, lots to try to look less like the living dead and more like an alluring chalet girl. There is also a rumour that the ski instructor will be out tonight...

Friday 16 December 2011

Late night, at a crossroads in old Morzine...

... stood a chalet girl and a ski instructor. Is that a massive cliché? Probably.

More cleaning now. More blogging later.

Wednesday 14 December 2011

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

I'm tired. Deep cleaning is not fun. People are tired and emotions are running high. Interactions can be fraught and tense. Some situations are not easy, some people are not easy, I know I can be one of those people on occasion , but I'm generally quick to apologise when I do snap or make a harsh comment. I feel things keenly and sometimes it takes me a while to warm up again after things have gone awry. I feel the stress of are we going to get it all done? Am I going to get my paperwork filled in correctly and on time? Will my first guests be nice? Will I ruin Christmas dinner for them? Am I going to work well with someone? Will I ever make it on to an actual slope on my snowboard? I feel at times a bit overwhelmed. Those are the worst of times.

When the snow is falling, the sun is shining on the mountains and I'm with good people, it sometimes takes me a minute to grasp that I'm here for the next five months. When I'm surrounded by people from a fair few different walks of life coming together as a unit, enjoying free booze and food for seasonnaires then dancing the night away, I have to remind myself that this is, in fact, all mine for the next five months. Mine to enjoy. Times full of laughter, fun, friendship and great memories being made. There have been plenty of those times so far, thankfully. Those are the best of times.

Right now is tired times. I never thought that cleaning a bathroom could feasibly take 2-3 hours. But then again I don't usually do it with a toothpick, toothbrush, 2 different colour cloths and at least 3-4 different products. I tell you what, those guests had better pull the plug up and appreciate just how clean that plug hole is....

Monday 12 December 2011

Wisdom of youth

A young man once said to me, there will be many more Swainos (sp?) and I hope that the young man turns out to be right! Now if you're not employed at my company or happen to have been in Val d'Isere, Morzine or Meribel in the last few weeks then you won't know what I'm talking about. That's fine, just accept the wisdom.

I am sitting here, on the comfy sofa, enjoying the underfloor heating in my new chalet. The chalet I'll be running from the 19th of December to the 29th (?) of April. I think it's fair to say I'm happy as a clam. (I must admit I'm never sure about that saying, has anyone ever actually ascertained whether a clam is genuinely happy?)..... I must be tired, my mind is going off on random tangents.

Saw my lovely http://warandpiste.com/ girls today on their book promo tour through the Alps. I can't tell you how great it was to see familiar, friendly faces. That's not to say I don't like the people I'm with, but there's just something about seeing friends that brings comfort. Especially when they're such lovely friends. Alex Thomas wrote the most wonderful acknowledgement to me in the book and it made me a bit emotional. So in the quiet, cosy warmth of Dotty's coffee shop in Morzine, a few of us shed a few tears. Thinking about it now makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and has made my eyes leak a little bit again. Thanks for stopping in girls, it was 'rad' and 'sick' to see you! xxx

Short post tonight cos I want to get as much sleep as possible before the deep clean of the chalets starts tomorrow. Yet again, it's going to be a long day with hard, hard work. Followed by a long night with hard, hard drinking. Off to Cavern for free seasonnaire drinks and then L'Etale for free seasonnaire food. Rock on! We get a lie in on Wednesday morning, so that's awesome.

I'm off to my little room under the stairs, cos that's where chalet girls sleep (but this little room has an ensuite wet room and underfloor heating, so don't feel too sorry for me!).

Friday 9 December 2011

Of wine tastings, mine sweeping and tartiflette...

Today was wine tasting. Today was also our day off. Last night was a big night out. Wine tasting topped up our alcohol levels and so the day went on.

Pub after wine tasting. People are strapped for cash already so early season mine sweeping is happening.

We're waiting for tartiflette to happen, but everyone is hammered and the cooking process is far from smooth. Every single member of staff seems to be crammed into our chalet and I'm pretty sure one of the tartiflette pans just went on the floor. Kitchen is a state, as is everyone else. Apparently I'm cooking breakfast tomorrow, my partner in that task seems a bit worse for wear. It's not going to be a good service.

I learned something today, from a group of people who know their shit: a steezy backside 1 is better than a shitty 7. Bonus points for you if you know what I'm talking about.

Sometimes, when you look around and assess the situation, you've either gotta get in deeper or get the hell outta dodge. Tonight I'm choosing to get the hell outta dodge, tartiflette or no tartiflette...


**In the nick of time, as 3 nannies start giving the first aid trainer a lap dance**


Wednesday 7 December 2011

Mutzig, really?

Okey dokey, karaoke. I hate it when people say that, but I typed it and I can't be bothered to delete it. Everything is a lot of effort today.

It's snowing. So much! Went to Les Gets the other day for training and it was green, dumped massively over the last few days and now it's actually difficult to get there because of all the snow!! Totally amazing. We've got a day off on Friday and we're thinking of taking a little hike and maybe building a kicker to session. YAY!



KJ and I had our cooking night yesterday. We made thai fishcakes, tarragon chicken, red berry pudding. The evening went fine. We got some good feedback and some pointers. We did think we'd screwed it up for a while, putting our 12 chicken breasts in the oven a bit too late but it was fine, over-salting our fishcakes but they turned out great too. We made a few minor errors like forgetting to clear the bread after the main course and some other little things like that. Overall though we were happy in the end and our trainers were happy with us.

So we went out to celebrate. Thank God I only took a bit of money out with me otherwise I'd be in a much worse state today. One bar for a pint, one bar for toffee vodka, one bar for Mutzig... oh yes. Lots of chat and checking out staff from other chalet companies. Seems like the streets are crawling with new seasonnaires. Good night out but suffering today due to very late bed time, 3 hours sleep is not enough to function properly.

Sunday 4 December 2011

Public speaking

It turns out I'm quite good at it. Though to be fair, I probably could've told you that. The thing is I have zero confidence in myself and when I persistently get chosen to give presentations, to stand up in front of crowds and talk, to get up in front of a class and teach, I somehow always pull it off but question why people keep asking me!? I wonder how it is that you can be good at something and have zero confidence in your own ability? I had to do my version of the "welcome speech" to the chalet guests tonight and apparently I passed with flying colours. Not only was it to my chalet mates, it was to our trainers and two special guests - one a legendary chalet host within the company and the other, the financial director of the company, yikes! Actual feedback from the night "I've never heard a more smooth flowing, natural sounding and friendly first welcome speech ever. Well done, you have set the bar high for your fellow trainees".

I rock. Fact.

I'm also drunk. Fact.

And that's probably why I'm a cocky twat at the moment! Let's see how my first cooking session goes on Tuesday... *she says preparing to fall flat on her face, give people food poisoning and eat humble pie*

One drink, yeah? Just ONE drink...

Isn't this how all good evenings start? OK, maybe not ALL good evenings but some certainly start that way. I just wanted one beer, sadly we're not allowed any booze in the chalets during training (apparently the debauched lot of trainees from last year ruined it for everyone!), so I had to go out last night. Think of it as part of training. If I think of it like that then I don't feel so bad about my thumping head, dry mouth and extreme tiredness. It's all part of the experience eh?! Thankfully today is the start of cooking demos, so all I have to do for most of the day is sit and watch people cooking. The only thing I have to do well at today is the welcome speech, it's my turn to do this tonight and there's some managers coming along, so I better get it right!

We had to do some presentations yesterday, my group had to do 'The Season of the Chalet Host'. We compiled a list of statistics based on an 8 person chalet and a 20 week season, and read them out. Might not sound thrilling but it was.
One season, one host.
160 guests, 160 perfect guest questionnaires ;)
140 cakes baked, 1920 meals cooked.
50 glasses broken, 600 toilets cleaned, 300 Jägerbombs consumed, 16 hissy fits pitched.
3 chalet fires, 2 ski injuries, 30 skiing days lost due to severe hangover :(
1200 eggs cracked (20 on the floor).
720 bottles of chalet wine consumed by guests (unknown quantity consumed by staff).
1400 toilet rolls fluffed, 60 new friends made... chalet hosting, best decision ever.


That last line, best decision ever, that remains to be seen but I'm positive at the moment! We were going to include a line about how many new people you sleep with or "countries conquered", but we thought we'd best keep it clean for management. ;)



Saturday 3 December 2011

Training days.

Food hygiene this morning. Company structure this afternoon. Food hygiene was good. I mean as good as it can get, learning about E-coli 0157 and clostridium perfringens, and washing your hands constantly. Had some lunch and amazingly enough we're watching cooking programmes now, cos it's not like we have enough cooking in our lives already!

Right, I've got to take advantage of this down time to get an article on green snowboarding issues written.

À bientôt.

Friday 2 December 2011

The eagle has landed ... and the fields are green.

YAAAAAAAY! I'm here. The eagle has landed and the fields are green, sounds like code speak between two secret agents dropping off a briefcase full of top secret documents. But it's not, I have landed and the fields are indeed very, very green. There is not a flake of snow to be seen, so it's safe to say that I won't be testing out my new set up just yet.

What a journey! We were late leaving Wimbledon, the ferry was delayed because of bad weather during the crossing and the drive seemed to go on forever. We left Wimbledon about 3:30pm and we got to Morzine at about 11am. Guess what? There was one girl wearing a onesie on the bus, just one, and it WASN'T me!! So far so good though, there's a couple of people that I reckon I'll be spending some quality time with in my resort. Met an awesome girl called Sarah who's just come back from mountaineering in Nepal, she's rad. Shame though she'll be in Verbier for the season.

We're chilling at the chalet at the mo. Had some breakfast, getting settled in, getting acquainted with some of my training buddies and hearing war stories from seasons past. The chalet we're in for training is lush: http://www.vip-chalets.com/chalets/Dakota-Lodge Have a look!

I've heard good things about tips from returning staff, so fingers crossed I'll be able to live off tips and leave my wage in the bank... best laid plans and all that. Better dial up that mega-watt smile and get a polo shirt one size too small! Haha!

Some dude has just walked in, cutting the sag massively, and when he introduced himself he said 'awwright darlin' in a proper geezer accent. There aren't too many hoorays here, I'm guessing that Hugo, Cristabella, Tarquin and Isabella are all in Val d'Isere. Seems like there's more normal people here, less of the silver spoon/trust fund brigade, living off Daddy's Amex crowd. Which is good, cos my Daddy hasn't got an Amex so I wouldn't be able to keep up, it's the budget tour for me and seems like there's a few others that this applies to too.

Shower time and then maybe a wander round the town. Throat feels like crap today, but that's to be expected I guess after 20-21 hours on a bus/ferry/car and no sleep. Going to dose up on painkillers and get on with it.

Check ya laters alligators!

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