Start lines...Finish lines

So then gang, I am on the sprint to the finish line!! Friday was the end of my time in school, I'm glad it's over because it was really hard work, and to put in so much effort into something that you're not sure about, is quite a draining experience. I've still got a load of work to do to complete the course, one assignment and a mammoth essay. Had the dreaded PDP evidence folder interview, that could've gone better but I passed. Anyway, the teaching is over and I am still, as yet, undecided about whether teaching is for me. Apparently I'm alright at it and all my friends can see that I'd be a good teacher and that I enjoy it, but for some reason I'm still uncertain.

I did my first ever open water swim race on Saturday morning, I'm definitely recovering from that! It was a harrowing experience, despite having swum that distance before in the pool under race conditions, when I got in the lake I panicked. It was cold, it was unknown, it was murky and scary. I thought I'd be OK, I had a mantra to repeat to myself (I'm just going for a little swim, that's all it is) but as soon as I put my face in the water I freaked out. Thanks to my wonderful friend Nic, I got round it, but only because she didn't leave my side and encouraged me the whole way round. I'm going to do it again, of course I am, I'm no quitter and one bad experience will not hold me back.

On bank holiday Monday I did my first 10k run! It was brilliant!! I absolutely loved the experience. My furthest training run was only 7k so I really went for it on Monday and my time isn't too bad, did it in 1:10:40, plus I went for a wee half way round (not Paula Radcliffe stylee, I actually ducked in to a portaloo) so one could say that was about 3-4 minutes so race time could be brought down to 1 hour 7 minutes. But anyhow, adjustments aside, I'm totally stoked with a time of 1 hr 10 and it's totally spurred me on to do more. I'm already entered for the Tunbridge Wells 10k in September but I need to do more in between, maybe even a half marathon?!

That's quite a lot of achievements I feel and to top it all of it was my birthday on Tuesday, I turned 34. I hope that my 34th year is going to be much better than my 33rd. 33 was full of heartache, loss, loneliness, stress and lots more bad stuff, only towards the end did I turn a corner and have some good stuff happen. I can be proud of that good stuff because it was all my own doing as well, and that's one valuable lesson I've learned over my annus horribilis, that is actually about me, about my strength and my power and my decisions that make the good stuff happen! I am finally learning that I am actually the master of my own destiny and if I want something I have to put in the hard work to achieve it, and now I know that I am actually capable of it! So it's been a year of self discovery through all the bad stuff, and I'm ready to put that bad stuff behind me. Eyes to the front, the future is beckoning me and who knows what that future might hold?!

Day One

Well that was day one. I'm absolutely pooped as I've spent all day on high alert pretty much. Feel like I spent most of the day wandering the corridors (which all look identical, by the way) trying desperately to keep up with my student. We were shadowing students today you see, and of course they know where they're going so tend to steam off at a million miles an hour... More shadowing tomorrow.

I don't know if I'm cut out for this teaching malarkey at all. Really. One positive thing I learned today is that the way they teach science is that they concentrate on biology first, then chemistry and then physics as the year progresses. So that essentially means that I should get away with not having to do any physics! Much awesomeness!

Having said I don't think I'm cut out for it, I can see why people like teaching and it certainly does take a certain kind of resilient person to do it. Even just helping out in the classes today, I can see that those moments when the penny drops and the kids actually 'get' what is that they're doing and learning, are worth it. I can also see how some kids just get completely left behind in the system. With so many pupils and most of the attention going on the ones that are misbehaving, the quiet ones that are struggling just get forgotten. I think there's too much pressure on teachers to be too many things to the kids and do too many things in their working day. I think I saw some examples of good teaching today, but also some less than stellar teaching.

Wonder what tomorrow holds?

Change

OK folks, it's all change around here. Seven weeks ago my dog died (we'd been together for 18 years and three months), then three weeks ago my boyfriend of six years broke up with me... the night before starting my PGCE! Yep, timing, it's all in the timing I would say.

So here I am, three weeks into a horrendous break up, three weeks into getting to grips with my secondary science PGCE, and it's the night before I start my first school placement. Holy moly! I am terrified, not just about school but about pretty much every aspect of life to be honest.

I'm surrounded by packing boxes and newspaper and trying to get on with packing away a whole life. It's too much for one person I tell you. But I am just one person now and need to get on with it. I hope to get the keys to my new place this week and then I'll be out of here, a new life, a new challenge, a new single me. First things first, it's my first day at school tomorrow, so I'm going to get myself sorted now, get my bag ready, my lunch, layout my outfit and then try to get a good night's sleep... EEK!!!

O...M...G.......

I'm too traumatised to blog tonight. That and too drunk! Thank God for my dear friend KH, she took me out for wine and chats after the day from hell.

You go to a school. They think they're getting someone with experience. You have none. Things go awry and before you know it, your first lesson is taken over by a teenage girl shouting "fucking dickheads" at no one and any one. That sets the tone for the rest of the day.

Now I'm blissfully merry and not so concious that at noon today I was sitting alone in a staff room, in the science block, crying into a tangerine.... (no one had shown me where the canteen was)

They can smell the fear...

I'm just too scared to blog tonight. I got a call from the teaching agency. I have a placement. Starts tomorrow... OMG. Yep, I'm sorry but this calls for an OMG. I'm petrified. Tomorrow is a trial day. If they like me they may want me until the summer. That would be awesome and terrifying.

Trying to research the school and the curriculum at the moment. Trying to arm myself with as much info as possible. Best case scenario, I'm totally hyping this up, the kids will love me and be delightful and the day will go fine. Worst case scenario, they will smell my fear like a pack of wild dogs and absolutely and brutally murder me.

You'll find out tomorrow night I guess....

So today I went into town and registered with a teaching agency. Hopefully once my CRB check comes back in a few weeks I can start getting some work as a Science Technician or Cover Supervisor.

Thing is, I'm kind of petrified! She seemed to think I'd be just fine but honestly, not a single moment of experience and they are going to possibly throw me into a classroom to supervise children... YIKES!! Desperately seeking advice now from those in the know, how the hell do you manage a classroom full of kids? Teenagers at that! Think I'm going to be doing a lot of research over the next few weeks to see what I can discover before this little lamb goes to slaughter.

Watching a TV programme, Place in the Sun, and they're house hunting on the Costa del Sol in Spain, where I grew up. It's making me homesick. Sunny days, lots of time outside, beautiful food, beach, great people, wonderful wildlife.... Now, back to reality, rainy day but dog must be walked, so off we go out into the wet gloom.

teaching day

Today Luke is learning how to blog. I'm teaching him. That's pretty silly really being that I've had my blog up and running for over a year and the only things I posted have subsequently been deleted (by me, as they were kind of old and irrelevant thoughts). Anyway, new year, new start.

Last year I was finishing my degree, this year I'm waiting to go back to university. Funny really then that my first new post of the new year and new blog should be about teaching. I'm going back to do a teaching degree. Biology PGCE (secondary). So maybe I'll blog about my journey to teaching?

We'll see...